18 l Redefining and Prioritizing Self-Care in Motherhood l Simple Ways to Find Your Balance
Oct 12, 2023
Felicia Sorby & Brie Rodriquez
Let's get real about self-care, moms! What if we told you that it doesn't have to be a perfectly planned day at the spa? That's right, no need for the fancy facials or expensive retreats. Instead, imagine savoring a quiet moment in the living room with your kids, soaking in their laughter, their stories, and their presence - that's self-care too! This episode redefines self-care for moms. We unpack it in ways that aren't overwhelming or burdensome, focusing on finding the modes of self-care that work for you.
Managing the ever-changing priorities of motherhood and finding time for self-care can feel like a Herculean task. But we promise you, it doesn't have to be! This episode explores how to prioritize self-care without it feeling like another chore. We also delve into the delicate balance between caring for ourselves and being present with our children. To top it all off, we share our 30-day self-care calendar to guide you on your journey. So tune in, and let's tackle motherhood and self-care together! And don't forget to share this episode with another mama who might find it valuable.
Let's get real about self-care, moms! What if we told you that it doesn't have to be a perfectly planned day at the spa? That's right, no need for the fancy facials or expensive retreats. Instead, imagine savoring a quiet moment in the living room with your kids, soaking in their laughter, their stories, and their presence - that's self-care too! This episode redefines self-care for moms. We unpack it in ways that aren't overwhelming or burdensome, focusing on finding the modes of self-care that work for you.
Managing the ever-changing priorities of motherhood and finding time for self-care can feel like a Herculean task. But we promise you, it doesn't have to be! This episode explores how to prioritize self-care without it feeling like another chore. We also delve into the delicate balance between caring for ourselves and being present with our children. To top it all off, we share our 30-day self-care calendar to guide you on your journey. So tune in, and let's tackle motherhood and self-care together! And don't forget to share this episode with another mama who might find it valuable.
Hey Mama, welcome to Postpartum Confessions, a podcast for anyone navigating the ups and downs of becoming a mom. I'm Felicia.
Speaker 2:
I'm Bri and we're here to bring you truly unfiltered conversations from the expected to the unexpected parts of being a mom, Whether you're trying to conceive, pregnant or already a mother, this podcast is for you.
Speaker 1:
Let's discover the secrets no one told you about motherhood and how to overcome them together. They say it takes a village. Welcome home.
Speaker 2:
Are you ready? Let's dive in.
Speaker 1:
Hey Mama, welcome back to another Postpartum Confessions mini episode, Our short into the point conversations. Today we are revealing the importance of self care and how you can manage it.
Speaker 2:
Hi Mama. I'm Bri and I'm excited to start a little wellness series with you all. Wellness is my jam. I love talking about it and trying to be better about it. Here and there. We're going to throw in some wellness topics. As Felicia mentioned, we're getting into self care today and finding what works for you when it comes to self care.
Speaker 1:
Self care is a huge topic among the mom community. I feel like there's just a lot of different opinions on it. We're going to get into a bunch of different things that you guys can think about and really, if one resonates with you, taking a hold of that and using it. One thing that I noticed about self care is how overwhelming it can be because you put so much pressure on yourself to do whatever one says. The big things, go out and take time at a hotel and do a spa day, all these big things.
Speaker 1:
I guess having such high expectations for yourself and for your self care can take the joy out of it. It can really make it overwhelming and you find it hard to feel like one, like yourself. And two, you've been rejuvenated and that you're I'm myself again. I can go back into this, feeling like brand new. I think that itself is one huge piece of not actually feeling rejuvenated and like yourself and ready to go back into it is because all this pressure is being put on you to do it perfectly, because, again, everything has to be perfect. So there's just so many different ways that you can rethink that. I think Brie has a really good point.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, so we were talking about this a little bit before. We recorded, which we tend to do a lot, and sometimes I'm thinking like we should just hit record here and there, because half of the time we have really good conversations, I'm planning and anyway, okay, I digress. But self care yeah, no-transcript is can be overwhelming and I think sometimes, you know, like Felicia mentioned, you're supposed to come back and feel like rejuvenated and kind of feel like yourself again, but the pressure of trying to do it, like the way people make it seem on there, drives me a little bit insane, like it doesn't work for me and sometimes for me, no, self care in that traditional sense or what we think of it now, is kind of a good thing. Now we're not saying not to have any self care, that's not what I'm trying to say here but I think self care is transformed into like this huge thing that you kind of have to plan and Take more time for yourself to like, heal and do all of these things. And that's the part that gets overwhelming for me, because what I tried to do is I, you know, I sit down and I do a lot of thinking and I'm thinking, okay, well, what really works for me and what makes me the happiest, like, where do I feel like rejuvenated? And when I do go do these things and go out and take time for myself, am I happy? Is this what's making me happy? Right, and for me the answer has been no a lot of the times, like even when it's like a relaxing thing or I get my alone time or whatever.
Speaker 2:
Because For me, what makes me the most happiest right now in this like season and chapter of my life, is I want to be around my kids and I want them to be there. I just don't always want to be the one that's responsible for them and like the moment. So, like you know, a good self care session for me, to be honest, is if I could just like Sit in the living room or sit around them and, you know, get climbed on some hugs and kisses like here and there, just like the fun stuff. But I'm not the one that has to like help them find the missing toy or go get you know the 15th snack in a row and, like you know, my partner kind of takes care of it for me. I'm happy because I'm like around and I hear all the things I want to hear, because sometimes that's what I want. I want to hear them laughing, I want to be around them, I want to see them doing something.
Speaker 2:
So if I could sit there and like read my book or maybe, you know, I put on it like the other day I had on my Instagram stories, I was doing like a face mask. I did that in the room with the kids jumping on the bed and I was laying next to them. It was glorious. They were laughing, they were doing this. I was like In a little zone but and I told my husband he was up there with us to like can you make sure they don't fall off the bed, even though, like, I'm right here, you know that kind of thing because and it was and he was like, oh, I mean, yeah, I guess you know, because I was sitting like right there, but I just didn't want to be the one Responsible and I felt like so much calmer because I did my mask and I did my thing, had my book, but I wasn't away from them, you know, and I mean I guess I could give an example the other day I was going to the store and my husband was like just go by yourself, you'll be so much faster.
Speaker 2:
And I was like, oh yeah, go by myself. This is going to be great, you know. And the whole time I was thinking and I texted him and I was like you know, is is our daughter okay, she crying? He was like she's fine, she's playing, like everything's fine, no one's sad, no one's whatever. And I was like I just I feel like they would have really wanted to come, like they like the store, you know. He was like it sounds like you wanted them to go. And I was like and he's like you're trying to like pawn it off, like you, you know, don't you want to take them or do this, and that he's like it sounds like what you want is to be around them or to bring them. And I was like, yeah, I did, you're right, I did want to bring them.
Speaker 2:
Like even though it was calmer and faster without them, it didn't make me happy to like leave them. You know what I mean, so Don't get me wrong, I want some alone time, but I get that. I get that like during sleep and here and there, whatever, but right now, this season is I just want to be around them, you know, yeah, and I don't. Yeah, I feel like I get a little bit of like shame or something for like not taking. Not not that nobody directly shames me, but it's like I don't know. If you're not doing self care and you're not doing it this way, then it's kind of like not wrong, but it's kind of a little wrong. You know what I mean and I don't like that.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, there's like so many things that you see all the time about what self care looks like for everyone else and like the lengths that you're supposed to go to get that alone time and right. Like with everything else, everyone is different. If you want to go and do those things and you have this like higher expectation, because that what makes you feel it makes you feel good, then that is fine and keep doing whatever you're doing. And if you're not there yet, then like work towards that right. But if you're trying to do all this self care, you're trying to implement the time, you're trying to, I guess, gauge what exactly that looks like for you and you're just feeling like this pressure and it feels like work for you To then do all these things, to even get to the point where you're doing that self care like you're planning so much where it's not fun anymore and you want to be around your kids but you don't want to be responsible for them because you want that break, then doing exactly what Bree's talking about and just, you know the responsibility gets shifted to your partner or whoever is working with you on this and you still get to be around them, but you're doing something like, let's say you just wanted to sit on the couch during like nap time and that feels good to you. You don't have to go out of the house, you don't have to go and do this fabulous like huge routine, that's fine. If you just feel good just sitting there, then that is self-care for you. If you want to sit there and read a book while your little one is playing and your partner's right there and has the opportunity to make sure that you know they're not getting hurt, they're not doing something they're not supposed to be doing, then that is self-care. There is no booklet on exactly how to do self-care. There are a lot of suggestions out there.
Speaker 1:
There is a lot of different things that people will say has helped them and you know there's some people that say that it's like a must do and certain things, and that's not true. There is a lot of things that you can do. That is considered self-care For me. I sometimes just want my husband to pick up our daughter from daycare, because she's so attached now to daycare that sometimes she doesn't want to come home and sometimes that hurts my feelings. So sometimes I want him to go and he can deal with it because, you know, on that day maybe I'm not feeling so good about myself and that's just only gonna make it worse.
Speaker 1:
You know, it's like sometimes it can be like so little that you know you might even like just overcompensate for not noticing those little things that you think you have to do this like big grand gesture, or you're expecting someone to help you with that big grand gesture, and that's not a bad thing if you like those things. But sometimes it can really start feeling like a chore when you're not aware that all of those little things can be self-care. So you know, it can be really hard with expectations. Like with everything, expectations can really kill joy sometimes.
Speaker 1:
But embracing the fact that reading the book, having you know them pick up from daycare or maintaining your space around your kids while you're not necessarily directly responsible for them, that all counts and that definitely counts if it makes you feel better. And I think the first step in having an easier time with those things is acknowledging that those are self-care, because you're probably doing them right now and not even like noticing it. So if you really acknowledge that and feel, oh, this is my little break, this is my chance to, you know, get a break of fresh air and kind of focus a little bit on myself when I'm still around them or still doing something. That to me might feel small in the moment, but the overall component of self-care is anything that makes you happy and gives you a little bit of either just time or I'm feeling like yourself and that, like you said, can be anything. So don't forget the small things. So those are important too.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, I actually saw a post that I guess a husband made. A dad made one time about his wife and she was working out and the house was like super messy. And the post said like, oh, I'm just so proud of her for prioritizing like her time, like this is getting her workout in, when you know there's probably a million other things on her mind. Like it was a good acknowledging post and maybe I'm not doing it just to spy, explaining it here. But I thought like, oh man, that's so true, because the to-do list is, I don't know, it's not going to go away. Like you know what I mean. One day it will. One day it will.
Speaker 2:
And I think that takes some time and effort and acknowledgement that it'll chip in away at it every now and then, or not everything's going to be clean. But you still have to take that time for what's important to you. And I can think of plenty of times where I'm like, even today, like I haven't worked out yet and I'm like, oh man, I need to work out and it feels like a chore, but I want to work out and it feels like I have so many other things to do that that's like the least important thing. But when I work out and do those things, that does help the long term of my feeling better, right, I sleep better, I tend to make better food choices, I move my body, I do all of these things. So working out in itself is kind of like a chore, but it is a form of self care to kind of prioritize that too. So it's not always looking and getting in. You know this nice like self care practice. It's just making sure that you take a little bit of time for you, whether that's the workout, whether that's reading, and it doesn't matter if it's in silence or not. You know those kind of things. So it's just not sacrificing the things you need to do to make yourself like feel complete. That doesn't mean that the way you're going to do it, that doesn't mean the workouts are perfect Half the time. The kids are around and they want snackies and things too, but you just kind of embrace, like what that looks like is and as long as I kind of get the workout in, I don't know. I mean I feel like I'm happy camper in that respect, right, you know, I don't know.
Speaker 2:
I don't want to feel the pressure to prioritize self care and having my own time and being my own person, I guess, is kind of the thing now, and don't get me wrong, I want to focus on all of that and not lose part of myself in the process of being a mom and working in this and that. But right now, in this stage of life, I want to focus on being a mom and doing whatever I need to do. I don't want to be the super mom anymore. That can you know. Have this time to myself and do this and do that. I want to be Brie, whose chapter in life right now revolves around her babies, and I'm happy about that. My workouts include them, my shopping includes them, all of that includes it, and that makes me happy. You know, like, trying to fit in something without them doesn't make me happy right now, realistically, and forcing that or forcing alone time has had a negative effect on me, you know. So I do think you need to take your time and I do think you need to ask for what you need to do, but that's going to look different and there's no wrong way to practice your self care habits. So just do what works for you. Like, you know, when you're thinking about it and you're thinking like, okay, this is. This is something that makes me feel good, whether I'm by myself or not. Do it, you know, and you mentioned nap time.
Speaker 2:
One of the like best things I've heard from this mom that I follow on Instagram is she was like on nap time I don't get everything done that I need to do. I don't go grocery shopping, I don't clean, I relax, you know, because that's like a form of self care time too, and I'm like why is that the smartest thing I've ever heard? I try to accomplish every little single thing I can do during that time, because it's like, oh, I can't do it with the kids. No, you can do it with the kids and you should, because the times you get to relax, take that to relax. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:
Like, so it's kind of like shifting it and I was like I just love that thought process in terms of that. Like, not every moment do you have to be productive or doing something. You know. Take the time that you can and put in what you can and I don't know. Just do what works for you. If it's with your kids, if it's not with your kids, it's whatever. Self-care is what brings positivity and not adds into the overthinking or the insane expectations of something else. So you know I agree.
Speaker 1:
Just my thoughts yeah totally agree on that, because your mental health matters, your physical health matters. They can still be priorities because every single moment of the day, priorities are shifting, Like it's like just one big circle. It's just always shifting. So your kids have priorities. They're in nap time. Your priorities are now. You know you have time. So whenever you have the time to prioritize the things that are important to you and that can be anything.
Speaker 1:
And if you're different and you think that things around the house is your self-care, because you thoroughly enjoy having a clean space, and that you might even have some OCD, I mean, I don't throw that around as a joke my husband has OCD. There are some times where I want to relax and he can't. He has to do something because something is bothering him, because it needs to be done. So if you have that because I completely understand it, watching him you can do that. There is nothing wrong with that. If that actually provides something to you, it makes you feel better. So, basically, just priorities are ever changing and when you have the chance to prioritize your own needs because you are at your wit's end or you feel so burnt out that you know that you're not being your whole self, You're not giving your kids like the 100% that you know you can give on a certain day or time or week or month, and you know that this thing will help you get to that point where you feel better than do it, Sitting on the couch reading a book. Yeah, If you need to go out and do that spa day and you that's just who you are then do it, but don't put pressure on yourself. That doesn't need to be there. So if you're not comfortable doing those things and you realize halfway through that you're like I miss my kids, I don't actually feel like this is helping me, Then don't do it.
Speaker 1:
It's just, it really depends on who you are as a person, and I did see this post recently that just said that you know you are alive and to act like it and that can come like that's a double edged sword. I'm just I'm not gonna lie I have depression and anxiety, and I have for as long as I can remember. So sometimes that can come off as harsh because and even I for a second, I had, like that, little twins where I'm like, well, like what's that supposed to mean? But then I really thought about it and it's true, You're alive, you have this opportunity. You have one life Not trying?
Speaker 1:
to get depressing here, but you have. You know you have that opportunity. This is your life and if you have like this, like calling or pulling, that you like want to do certain things, or if you like, you know, like workout or like hike that mountain or spend the time with your kids, don't flood your whole life with trying to meet the expectations of society or everyone else and just really working towards anything that makes you happy, the big and the small. That's the most important thing.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, I think you make a good point. I think the part of the self-care and being alive is kind of or to like intertwine them. It's kind of like being present in in what you're doing, right. So it's kind of like I don't know. For the past few months a small story, for the past few months, I felt a little it's been very overwhelming like with my job situation and all of these different things, and I never found myself like fully present.
Speaker 2:
And literally this weekend or one of recently, one of these past few days, I was playing with the kids and usually there's something on my mind, you know, during the work hours in particular, and I'm like I need to get this done, I need to check. Oh, I got an email, I need to check this, I need to do that. I'm just distracted and I'm playing with them and I mean I know they can see it like you know, when you, when you start to like pay attention, but I put my phone down and I, you know they were kind of done with the activity we were doing, like you know, the little water fountain was helping me babysit for a minute and they were like done with it. They got, you know. Moving on to the next thing and I put my phone down and I started just like walking like a dinosaur, my son's into like little, making like noises right now, yeah. So I did it with them and I was walking back and forth and before I knew it I had two little dinos like walking behind me, like lifting their little feet, and I cannot even begin to explain like I swear my heart grew two sizes and it was like bursting because I just found myself so present there and I was so happy, like clearing my mind and I think that's part of it, like being alive and like acting like it, like I don't know, you don't have to, like I'm just all.
Speaker 2:
This pressure is like kind of getting there and to me that was a form of self-care, like my heart and my like stress levels just like gone. You know what I mean. So like the presence that was there and I've taken it with me and I still feel it like today, like it's had like a ripple effect of when I talk to my kids and when I'm with them. I'm trying to be as present as possible now, because I realized for the past few months that I wasn't you know and I don't know, I guess the kids can teach you a lot of things about like self-care and feeling alive too. Right, Be in that moment and like enjoy it and try to focus on it.
Speaker 2:
So you know, even if you do have like other things to do or you know you mentioned your husband has OCD and he can't relax until things get done. And sometimes you know it does feel that way when the house is messy or things like that, and it's like, man, I just can't get clean and can I? I just want to focus on like something like I don't want to think about it anymore. So sometimes, like, putting your attention and focus into that is the self-care you know that you need so that the rest of the days you can focus on the things that light you up.
Speaker 2:
You know, I don't know that's what it is, what lights you up and what brings you energy. And it could be a spa day. It could be getting your nails done, your hair done, you're taking a bath. It could be being a dinosaur outside with your kids, like doesn't matter what it, you know just what lights you up, what's gonna give that ripple effect and like get you through. You know, with a clear head, you know for the next week or whatever it is, and then you do it again, kind of thing.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, and I mean just I guess, like we said before this, taking the big and the small and doing both, because that whatever helps you, when you find whatever it is that helps you, it's just it's trial and error. Once you find that thing, just you know, just keep it.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, it might help you be more present, like you were just talking about. But we did say short and to the point conversations, so I guess we kind of have to make it short and to the point. I did want to just say that, if you Wrap this, up Right.
Speaker 1:
If you are having trouble getting started with self-care or don't know where to start, that we we have you covered. We have made like a fun little 30 day self-care calendar for you and it's gonna help you get started and give you some ideas and, of course, you can like swap them in and out and you can find those. Yeah, it's linked in the show notes here or in the link of our Instagram bio, so we have it in both. So when you click on that, click on the thing that says self-care calendar and we have it all right there for you. But thank you guys so much for listening today. We hope this episode helps you in some way and we appreciate it so much if you shared it with another mama who might find it valuable, including that self-care calendar.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, and if you're listening, don't forget to tag us on Instagram. We love to see it, we love to share it and be a part of the conversations with you. So with that, we will see you next episode. Thank you so much for joining us today. We're so excited you're taking this journey with us. If you enjoyed this episode and you'd like to help support the podcast, please subscribe, leave a rating or review or tell another mama about us.
Speaker 1:
To stay up to date with post-partum confessions and get all the behind-the-scenes content, you can join our email list or follow us on Instagram at post-partum confessions. Underscore. All the links are in our show notes. They say it takes a village. Welcome home, mama.