Hosts (Felicia and Bri) take on the tough topic of societal expectations placed on mothers. Ever felt like you're running a losing race trying to live up to the image of the so-called 'perfect' mom? We've been there too. Using our personal experiences with a myriad of societal influences, we tackle the guilt and stress that arises from these pressures. No magic one-size-fits-all solution here; we just share our journey through the maze of information and how we're learning to do what works best for our homes, despite external pressures.
Navigating the tricky terrain of parenting advice is no easy task. Has someone ever made you feel inadequate with their 'well-intentioned' advice? We examine the dynamics of giving and receiving parenting advice, taking into account the intentions behind the advice and the relationship between those involved. We go a step further by suggesting a novel approach - asking permission before offering advice - a simple but impactful change that can foster more open and respectful parenting discussions.
Whether you are a new mom grappling with the overwhelming sea of responsibilities or a veteran parent seeking validation, this episode promises to be an enlightening journey. So, sit back and get ready for an honest discussion about the beautiful mess that is motherhood.
Thank you so much for joining us today . We’re so excited you’re taking this journey with us! They say it takes a village, welcome home mama!
Sign up for exclusive content!
Join our village:
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Buy us a coffee!
Email us @: Hello@postpartumconfessions.co
Felicia’s Instagram: @Felicia_Sorby
Bri’s Instagram: @Brie.Rodriquez
Hosts (Felicia and Bri) take on the tough topic of societal expectations placed on mothers. Ever felt like you're running a losing race trying to live up to the image of the so-called 'perfect' mom? We've been there too. Using our personal experiences with a myriad of societal influences, we tackle the guilt and stress that arises from these pressures. No magic one-size-fits-all solution here; we just share our journey through the maze of information and how we're learning to do what works best for our homes, despite external pressures.
Navigating the tricky terrain of parenting advice is no easy task. Has someone ever made you feel inadequate with their 'well-intentioned' advice? We examine the dynamics of giving and receiving parenting advice, taking into account the intentions behind the advice and the relationship between those involved. We go a step further by suggesting a novel approach - asking permission before offering advice - a simple but impactful change that can foster more open and respectful parenting discussions.
Whether you are a new mom grappling with the overwhelming sea of responsibilities or a veteran parent seeking validation, this episode promises to be an enlightening journey. So, sit back and get ready for an honest discussion about the beautiful mess that is motherhood.
Thank you so much for joining us today . We’re so excited you’re taking this journey with us! They say it takes a village, welcome home mama!
Sign up for exclusive content!
Join our village:
Instagram
TikTok
Facebook
Threads
Leave us a voicemail
Buy us a coffee!
Email us @: Hello@postpartumconfessions.co
Felicia’s Instagram: @Felicia_Sorby
Bri’s Instagram: @Brie.Rodriquez
Hey Mama, welcome to Postpartum Confessions, a podcast for anyone navigating the ups and downs of becoming a mom. I'm Felicia.
Speaker 2:I'm Bri and we're here to bring you truly unfiltered conversations from the expected to the unexpected parts of being a mom, Whether you're trying to conceive, pregnant or already a mother, this podcast is for you.
Speaker 1:Let's discover the secrets no one told you about motherhood and how to overcome them together. They say it takes a village. Welcome home.
Speaker 2:Are you ready? Let's dive in. Hey Mama, this is Bri, and welcome back to Postpartum Confessions. Our topic today is one we all face at one point or another, and that is the society and the pressure to be perfect as mom.
Speaker 1:Hey Mama, this is Felicia and I am so ready to have this conversation. There are so many expectations put on us by society, and it can feel soul crushing sometimes when you're absorbed into these expectations and can't meet them all, ain't that?
Speaker 2:the truth. I mean, sometimes I think I don't know, when you become a mom, it's like this wave of pressure for lack of a better word comes on and it's like I feel like sometimes we judge ourselves by these impossible standards and I don't even know where they came from. Maybe it was all the movies we saw growing up, or maybe it's how your parents function and what we see on social media and different things, but it's like a lot of times it's these impossible standards and all of that pressure that we have just leads us to feeling or me I can speak for myself, and maybe some of you relate, I don't know but the pressure leads to even more guilt and stress that you're not doing enough, you're not good enough, and all this extra burnout on top of learning how to be a parent.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I also can definitely mention that our generation, and future ones to come, definitely is different, because before technology, of course, there was pressure from elder family members, and that's where a lot of pressure would come from is because that's just how it was learned is passing down generational information or expectations. But now we have not only that. We now have social media, where that can be 100,000 different things, because everyone from every different background is also putting in their input and you might see a bunch of different ones and one might be something that you're actually doing and you're like, oh, this is nice to see someone else doing the same thing as me, and then you see 100 different companies posting their opinions on how things should go, how you should raise your kids, what you should be giving them, and that can really feel hard to process all of that, because you're doing something one way and you thought you got it all down. And then you might see something on social media and do you kind of backtrack Am I actually doing this right?
Speaker 1:Especially as a first time mom, that can be very hard and I know with your first kid you're testing out things that you like or their personality starts coming out when they're a little older and toddler, so you're trying to manage things that work for them while also trying to work things that work for you and your family. And I think, just seeing all of those different, somewhat portrayed as perfect scenarios where you're supposed to be doing A through Z and there's not really a whole ton of conversation one as to why I don't see a lot of why on social media. So you're just feeling like you're getting shoved all of this information upon you and you have no way of really dealing with what's right and what's opinionated, because that sometimes can be hard. When you're just looking at a screen, there's no one to have a conversation with, and that's the hard part, in my opinion.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean I think it's. I mean now that I have two. The second one's easier in terms of what should I do, what should I not, but the first one it's. I mean, even now that's kind of a lie. It's always like am I doing the right thing? Oftentimes I don't know.
Speaker 2:Sometimes I think you find strength in becoming a parent and all of those things, but sometimes it's a little overwhelming in the sense of it's a question I ask all the time and sometimes I ask my husband do you think this is the right decision? It's like no, I'm the mom, I can make the decision too, that kind of thing. It's just the thought because you see, oh, this is supposed to be going this way and maybe you're supposed to do this with sleep training or with bottles or with whatever it is. It's like, oh man, you start thinking down the line is this going to affect them? Is this going to hurt them? Is this going to do it? It's just that constant overwhelm because you saw it, like you said, from a company or from this I don't know the best example I can get and I don't even want to get into this, so I'm hesitant to bring it up as formula and breastfeeding and all of those things.
Speaker 2:But it's like the companies or the different marketing with it is like this one's the best. And then you get the influencers who are like I can't believe you would feed your kid, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and it's like I'm doing my best. You know what I mean. Yeah, it wouldn't be on the shelves if it wasn't like agreeable, like is it the best? Maybe not, but like you don't tell me what's like, I don't know. Like I had one person like kind of say, like okay, getting breast milk from like another mom is best. You know how much anxiety that would give me. Like I don't know this person or like all those things. Like so I think it's what end of this little like Brand, I suppose, is what works best for you. You know I mean because everything there's so much stuff out there and crappy parties is I don't think there's like Winning, like so to speak.
Speaker 1:You know I mean like you're damn good if you don't, it's true yeah, right, like there's.
Speaker 2:Just, if you go one way and you think that's the right way, there's going to be hundreds of people who think you're wrong. And then you go that way, or whatever it is, and there's gonna be hundreds of people you think you're wrong. So at some point it's like I, you know, I just got a hand in there. Like I, you know, I don't know, I just don't know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and this is, I guess, kind of touch you subject and like it is for me and just because I'm like so passionate about like this topic, specifically because of like all the things that I've seen with my friends, where are the people? And it's like you have mom groups on Facebook, you have influencers, you have companies, you have People who specialize in some of these fields, that are lactation specialist, that are dietitians, that are sleep consultants, and their only Thing is to have their opinion match their business. And that's something that you have to kind of gauge and that is not everyone and that Really can depend upon what again, what you choose for your family, and if that matches for what you want, then go for it, but it's always pressuring you to do something because they have a business. Another thing that you kind of have to watch out for. It is just so hard because, like we said before, you're supposed to know everything. You're supposed to never need a break is a surprise yourself. All the time you're supposed to provide exactly what everyone needs. All the time You're not supposed to need a break from your kids or your family is what you want, but when you tell someone what you want, you have to be open to advice, like there's just it's too much and there's a point where you have to.
Speaker 1:And I hit this point at around eight months postpartum where I was like I'm too tired to please everyone at the same time, and that included people I didn't even know. Like I would, you know, just be on social media and I would just see all these things and I would just like scroll through comments because I'm curious, I'm kind of nosey and not gonna lie, guilty, so I like to know like did anyone else find this to be like rude or did anyone else find to be like helpful? And I would just be looking to the comments. Is like so many people Would just be like this is not right or this is like so wrong.
Speaker 1:And it was something as simple as like showing someone's I believe it was the amount of food that their kid ate and the before and afters and making their toddlers food and how much they ate. And someone was saying, yeah, I should probably dump the food and put the plate back on screen. And it's like I, for one, did not assume that, because my yeah, yeah, 18 month old tries to eat literally everything. So it's like there are some kids that eat everything.
Speaker 2:There's some kids that eat, you know not everything and they don't want to have specific things and it's just.
Speaker 1:I guess that in itself just kind of maybe realize that no matter what we do, there's always going to be a critic out there, yep, so why not do what you want to do because you're there's going to be critics out there. So I guess that really is just the big picture here. Is that doing what you want to do instead of going along with the flow or the pressure of society? You know that that's the hard part and you have to make that choice. And I guess that comes with everything is that you can't please everyone with anything. You can't please every single person in your life or on social media.
Speaker 1:If you're an influencer or you know, sometimes you can't please the kids all the time either, and that's. There is no question about that. So right, you know, just kind of making a plan for your family and what you want to do, and that's going to change. There is no one size fits all. There is no plan that you're going to make that won't change because typically they all change. So that's just the hard part. I bet it all.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, I think and it's all easier said than done, right, you can't just say like, oh screwed, I'm not going to listen to everybody, because we're human and you're 100% going to like, take into account what a post said or what somebody said to you, because, I don't know, we just have feelings, like, but it's what we do with it after, right, that kind of matters. Are you going to let it like sit with you and kind of ruin your day or think you're not good enough for those things? Are you going to take it, take what you need from it, maybe, and move on? You know like, you know, even the you said something and I just like I can't stop thinking about it. Like, even if you get to that point, somebody's going to have an opinion, or you're going to have to listen to an opinion too, and it's like son of a gun.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean, but I don't know it's. It is a crazy like little space out there, and I think one of the things to take into consideration too, with all of these pressures and expectations that you know we either put on ourselves and we do put them on ourselves, right, but it's because we get them from somewhere. But it's like when you take something and you read it, there's been many times that I've seen a post and I've even reshared one because it resonated with me at the moment, or and it made sense, and I'm like, oh, okay, or maybe it's something I aspire to do, and then catch me in a different mood and I'm like that is so insensitive.
Speaker 1:I know I've done that you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's kind of like take what you need in the moment and kind of do it. But I think, overall, the biggest thing and I'm a work in progress, so when I say some of these things too, it's what I aspire to be and aspire to do as well it's kind of like everything I take and read, I want to take it as something that I can learn from and that can help, like shape me right. None of these things are going to tell me what to do and or that's how to do it perfectly, or the perfect aesthetic, like mom blogs, you see, and mom things. Or you know, you mentioned the plates like I have one kid that doesn't eat and one kid that will eat the whole house. Like it's just how it is, you know, and it's hard to like, know what's right and what's wrong when they're so different, but it's like everything that I read and do to like okay, how can I sleep, how can I help potty train? How can I do this? How can I do that? It's all just information for me to help choose what's best. And that's what I'm trying to take in here, because I'll be honest with with all of you, the society, the pressures, the everything.
Speaker 2:It really weighed on me, like it really got me down for a while, like and I've, I don't know, I don't show that or I don't showcase that, because one of the things I pride myself being is strong, but with every strength there's a lot of weakness in there. Right, there's always two sides to a coin and I wouldn't call it weakness, but there's a lot of doubt or different things. But you know, it really brings you down for a while because you think that. But that's when I kind of started thinking like you know what? No, I can take everything I read, everything I do, because you know I'm a Googler and I'm a reader and I'm all these things, and how can I spin it to be what I need to, to thrive on? You know what I mean. Like how can it be something that makes sense for me and my family and not feel that pressure of kind of going through everything?
Speaker 2:But you know, and it's definitely easier said than done but there's one like saying that my husband used to say all the time, like when we first started dating, and into it every now and then it's funny we haven't said any more, but it has never resonated more with me than it does now is sometimes you get like a lot of those things thrown at you and all those confusing things and he would say, like, can I live like God, like you know, kind of get off my back, can I live? Not to me it's like a saying. I don't know where you got it from, but it was somewhere and it's funny. But, like I said, it has it resonates with me so much now because now I think about it and it's like man, can I live, like thank you for the information on potty training, sleep training, breastfeeding, cleaning my house, doing this, doing that, whatever it is.
Speaker 2:But can I live, can I do it my way without you, you know, without everybody like on, you know, my back and trying to tell me how to do it the right way, you know? So I mean it's easier said than done. I'm not going to say it's like something that I, you know, oh yeah, I just do whatever I want, because that's not true. I mean it is, it is, but it's with taking it all in, absorbing it and trying to figure out what that best thing is for me, and it's a work in progress. It's going to take time, you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, it definitely is a work in progress all the time and it's something that you kind of have to work at all the time. It's not just going to come naturally to you At least not the majority of people. If you have the very strong willed personality where you know you don't really take crap from people anyways, and that might help Not going to lie, that might help.
Speaker 1:But in general, you know it's something that you work on because even when you think you had like a perfect grasp on it and you have like your plan you're not worried about anyone else's plan then you see that one thing and you're just like what, what if I want to do that instead? Or like what is that supposed to mean? You know, like certain things are always probably going to bug you because we are still people, we still have strong opinions as moms, and you know it's going to, it's going to come back every now and then you're not going to be able to just perfectly dismiss it out of your life with no issues. So you know, just keep working on it. And I guess one of the biggest things is like confidence in yourself, because when you're confident in yourself it's a lot easier for you to maintain. You know that plan that you have, or the composure, more or less, when you're seeing these things that you don't agree with or you feel guilty about, and while guilt is probably still going to happen, you don't necessarily, you're not willing to change what you're doing because you saw or heard or experienced something else. So, and again, harder said than done and it takes time. But just knowing that what you're doing is working for your child or children, that's a big factor. Because if they're healthy and happy and they're doing well with the way that you're doing things, then why not?
Speaker 1:Because a huge thing that I did that I didn't really gauge was something that a lot of people frown upon or at least you know one side frowns upon is like the Holding your children 24-7 when they're tiny. Because I did that and she's fine. She's sleeping through the night now. She does not need to, you know, breastfeed on command it. It just worked for us and I chose to do it and I didn't really mind that people didn't do that too and I got like plenty of comments about it, but I was just unbothered by it because I knew was working for us. So I was like why would I feel the need to feel guilty and change what I'm doing when my daughter's happy, right? So I guess it's just. That's. Another thought is just, if they're happy and they're healthy, then you know you're doing something right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely, and I mean I think that it's such a good point in the sense of, look, all of these times go by super fast, right, like with the kids and with them growing and and I'm never gonna stop talking about like the chapters of life, like you know it. It's soothing to me. But here's, like these different chapters, and you make this decision for you like to hold your baby more often and you get heat from it or anything. But I think the question we can start asking is I'm not asking why you're holding your baby and doing that, because I'm gonna let you live, girl, do your thing. What makes sense for you work? You know all those things.
Speaker 2:So why are we Asking those types of questions? Why are we inserting ourselves into somebody else's life and choices? I mean, we know, we know the levels. Let's be realistic. We know the levels where we're intervention is needed. If you're harming your child, somebody needs to say something. I we're not denying that, like I'm not saying you would never do that. But here she's, a mom holding her baby.
Speaker 2:Why are we questioning this? Why are we trying to challenge that instead of other expectations or other pressures of things like this is such a short time in in the life, in the, in Both of your lives, as a mom and as the baby. Instead, why can't we meet Moms or parents with a little bit more empathy, with a little bit more compassion, and listen, have open conversations, so that we can show up and support each other? You know, I, I truly don't understand why it would be, why I would not I, but like why a person would come in and be like, oh my gosh, why are you holding your baby so much? You know they're not gonna sleep or do this or do that instead. Oh, I don't know, oh that's, you know that's working like, oh, because for me I I've met some of that too like, oh, you're holding them, you're spoiling them, you're doing this, so what? That's my baby. And if I want to do it, as a matter of fact, why aren't you listening when I say you know I made this choice, so I'm gonna obviously like ride with it, to like hold my baby or do whatever it is, but it is a struggle, and why can't I share that sometimes too, that it is a struggle to not have free hands, maybe to not eat a warm meal or to do whatever because of the choice you made.
Speaker 2:Can I just get a little bit of empathy here, like you know? I mean, like I don't need To, I don't tell me to put the baby down. That's not what I need right now. If anything I need, like it's realistically, to be heard, you know. And so don't make me feel bad and say, oh, just put your baby down, just put your baby down. No, that is not the season, that is not the chapter. There's another alternative. And can you just shut up and listen, like just literally listen to me, like you know yeah, I Mean not in addition to that.
Speaker 1:It's not like that. We're saying that you can't give advice, although a General consensus is that the unsocied parenting advice typically isn't taken very well. It depends on how you do. It depends on how you do it. So if you, if you had a kid and and you know, you maybe didn't do well with being held all the time because they didn't like it or it did make complications for you sleep-wise or behavior-wise later on and you see your sister or your friend or I, would you know, someone you don't know, I would put that on a different, different scale.
Speaker 2:Table that you know, that's always as Unsocied advice.
Speaker 1:But if you know them and you're like, hey, I did this and I had this and this issue with it Because my baby didn't like it or because of this reason, Mm-hmm and if you want to try it out, that's your choice.
Speaker 1:But I just wanted to give you, like, some experience because that's something that I went through and I found it harder. Right, or we did this when sleep training and I see that you wanted to sleep train and you're looking for advice. I Did x, y and z and this worked or this didn't. Those are completely different than what we're talking about and that advice is Fine. If you were gonna give your experience in your you know, well intentioned, it's the intention of bringing someone down right, which happens quite often. Or the mom shaming, yes, the judgment that gets very difficult. So if you choose what you're saying, or you know, you gauge, do I know them? Are they asking for advice or you know those kind of things. It's all different, but the ill intention and the judgment in the mom shaming is really what makes the whole society pressure much more difficult, because it's kind of like a group effort. Society is not one person, right?
Speaker 2:effort. I think you touch on a good thing, like when you think about it, one before you do ask yourself what is your intention? Because, realistically, it might be because you think you know better, you've done it. You've done this and that, and I mean I've done it too. If any of my siblings or sibling in laws are listening, I've done it to all of them where I'm the older one and I think that I know better because I've done it. I'm realistically, I do have some of the experience or whatever it is, and a lot of the failures that I'd love for them to learn from and not do it again. Right, but most of the time people are gonna learn from yourself, and it wasn't that my intentions were that Like ill, like oh, don't do this, it's stupid, or something it was more of you know, well, I know it wasn't, I know better kind of vibe, right? So if you're coming into a mom with that kind of thing, like well, I know because I've done it and I'm a mom and Mike it's older or whatever it is, chances are good. It's not right to say it.
Speaker 2:But to Felicia's point, in one of the things too, like if they're looking for advice, why don't you ask Like in one way, like we talked about this the other day, asking if you have the space before I like dump a whole bunch of Crap, I guess, on you know a friend or something. Why don't you ask like, are you open to advice? Are you open to hearing about my experience? Do you want advice? Like you know it depends on your relationship with, like, your friend or sister or family member, whatever it is.
Speaker 2:Or if you guys are just like that cool, do do what you do if you know your relationship. But even if you do know the relationship or say you don't or you're hesitant or you don't know the person's like kind of mindset, because that's different too, right, I mean right after having a baby, or maybe it's the sleep training, and you're like your wits end and somebody comes at you with advice. I don't want advice, I just want it, I just want to sleep. You know what I mean. So it's like ask you know, instead of like forcing or giving opinion or adding to the pressures of everything being right when you know I'm like freaking out or something.
Speaker 1:Just ask yeah, no, I love that and that I think it just overall kind of Uncomplicate some things. If you just you ask, if they say yes, then you have your welcome arms to give them the advice and experience that you had and to maybe try and help them right at the point of, like, the societal pressure and difficulties that come with. That is, it's not usually going to just be from people you know, and that's the thing is that a lot of it, you have to admit, is internal in some way, because you're seeing things on social media they're not. They're not sending you a direct message, they're not, you know, texting you. So it's like right, you kind of have to decide For yourself.
Speaker 1:And this is a part about like being the confident and knowing what you want to do for your family is that you can't always Directly solve that problem when it's coming from a place that isn't directed at you per se. So Really, I, like I said before, it just all comes down to just being able to understand what you want for your family, and those things can change. There's gonna be a lot of things that you see on social media that aren't harmful and that aren't like malicious. So you're just going to see things that are like well, maybe I should be doing that and not in a negative way, it just might interest you to do that, or you know you and this also comes is like jealousy of what you're seeing in those like, like you said, like the perfect mom blogs or the aesthetically pleasing nursery rums and play rums, and Like the minimalist ones. Like you know, like sometimes you can even just be jealous of what someone else is doing, so you want to implement that in your own motherhood journey. And that's not necessarily a bad thing. It just comes with society. It's just the pressure because something is now currently in minimalist white walls and white toys, everything like that.
Speaker 1:I just seen a lot of that recently and if you like that, go for it, it's not going to hurt anyone. But if you're dragging yourself down with like why didn't I think of that and why didn't that come to mind first? Or I've been doing it wrong for the past year and a half and I need to change everything that's where it can become dangerous to your mindset and your mental health is because you're dragging yourself down for something that in the long run you might look back at and think that that didn't even really matter, like what room they had, what it looked like, it just mattered what happened in that room, like the play time together, the time spent together reading the books before bedtime, the bath times together. It's like those fundamental things matter, and how it looks does not need to be anyone else's business but yours. And again, like I said, if you want certain things, then do them, but don't drag yourself down or think that you're a terrible mom because you didn't do the aesthetically pleasing route, because you just you saw it on a video.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think a lot of these things aren't posted with malintent or anything. Maybe some are, but a lot of them aren't. A lot of times people are sharing their experiences or what's working for them or what their vibe is or whatever, and you have a reaction to that. Sometimes it's a little bit of envy, maybe because you want that or didn't think about that or a lot of the things you just said, and sometimes it's like no, and I don't know. I think a lot of times and the feeling is like, especially when a little jealousy and envy comes in, that people want to say something and that's what. A lot of the comments are different things too, and you either resonate with some or you don't. And I think the thing is challenging things also puts a lot of pressure and expectation, because it's almost like you're challenging it to be right. You know that you want to feel validated and right, which is totally fine, to want the validation, but it's like I don't know. In one way I don't want to challenge things anymore. I don't want to challenge it. I don't take what you see and if you like it or something there, run with it and make it into something your own, for you and your family. But if it's not, I mean, let that person live too kind of thing and let them. If it's not resonating with you and it's making you angry and you feel like you have to challenge it, maybe they're not the person to follow anymore and that's like kind of taking a little bit of like I don't know, releasing some of the pressure and taking back some of the control, like I don't want the pressure, this person that I'm following or whoever if that's what you're thinking about and when you really think about it, it's like man, I feel a lot of pressure to live up to and match this I'm going to have to unfollow for a while because it's not serving me in any capacity. Yes, and I'm not able to do that Like all I want to do is challenge it instead of like kind of do my thing and let them do their thing. So I don't know, it's just kind of taking it all with like a grain of salt and knowing I don't know what's funny, it's kind of not funny, as but you get the pressure from.
Speaker 2:You're always going to get the pressure on from both ends, realistically, both camps, or there's the one camp of moms. Everything needs to be perfect and if I don't follow or get everything done on my list, I'm a failure, like how clean my house is, the meals I feed my kids, my marriage, my partner's needs, my needs, the time I spend with them, bringing in money, remembering this, remembering that, being ever present and doing it all in a good mood. So there's the perfect side yes, that part, yeah. And then there's the other side where it's like, no, just be yourself and be cool and be this and be that and do whatever, and both are pretty dismissive in one way. So, instead of fighting it and challenging it, like I was kind of saying, just take what you need, get the enjoyment.
Speaker 2:What are you getting that's good from this? If it's nothing, you need to leave that and follow and stop doing whatever it is. But just take what you need and learn from it. Take what you need and apply it. If it's a cleaning hack or something, ok, great, that is going to help benefit my life and move on. But get rid of the thought of, oh, my house needs to look just like hers. Instead, take that cleaning hack and start applying it. Little by little, you'll get to where you need to be. I don't know, it's easier said than done. I get it. I'm just yeah, I'm trying to be Positivity, I'm trying to dump a little positivity.
Speaker 1:I know, and doing that cleanse or reframe is great, and if this episode serves as a reminder to try that, then great.
Speaker 1:But again, it's a trial and error and that reframe can maybe be one thing at a time.
Speaker 1:If you want to work on one thing at a time and I think that goes for pretty much everyone is that's probably going to be the least stressful for you. You can't just fix everything at once and that includes mentally, physically, anything else. So if you just work on one thing at a time and you start with, maybe meal time and you want to work on what you're giving your kids or maybe you don't, because you know that you are busy and having certain meals every now and then will not hurt anyone then do that. If you want to work on that and you think you're over stressing because you're giving them premium things all the time and it's the only thing you can think about for half of your morning and by that time you're late or you're not able to focus on anything else. That's different. If you're hyper-focusing on all these small things or things that feel huge to you, that might be the first thing you work on. Or you want to do a social media cleanse, because I for sure have done that. There are accounts that I run to when I'm feeling down, there is accounts that I run to when I'm feeling unmotivated and there's accounts that I ran to unfollow. So there's just different things that you have to really set yourself up for success with and that is exactly what is in your direct line of sight and that is usually when you're on your phone, what kind of things you're seeing, because it's not just kids and I know there's tons of studies on saying that depression, anxiety, is at an all time high because of what kids have been exposed to in social media and that's a whole different conversation.
Speaker 1:But that doesn't stop at kids or teens, it's just it's everyone. Yeah, and you know that's just something that you have to kind of think about. Is what you're seeing every day, and that can include certain family members. If they are putting this huge amount of stress and pressure on you Is like a conversation might need to happen. Or if you have old enough of kids that are understanding certain things, is maybe you have a conversation with them about we're doing this and it doesn't seem to be working for either one of us. Maybe we try something else, and I think that can be a huge thing if you have kids that are old enough to understand that. Of course I do not, so we're on a bit of trial and error without the communication piece yet, so that can be hard for anyone with young kids, where they don't understand that piece yet is going through what helps you and what you the evidence base of what you've seen helps them or does not help them.
Speaker 1:But, like I said, reframe and one thing at a time, and if you just want to build on something internal, like confidence, or you want to work on some possible generational trauma, that is included, because that anything that helps you and your family is a part of this conversation. It doesn't have to be just things that you've seen outside, like me, things that are preventing you from feeling good and feeling like you can, at a capacity, manage everything that goes on in a day, because we are supposed to do it perfectly and, like you said, with a good attitude and in a good mood, and that's not always possible. It's so hard when you're a new mom and you feel like no one understands you and you don't have a lot of people around you and you're just supposed to be in this great mood, all the time, 100% dedicated all of the time, with no needs for breaks, and I think that's the biggest thing is that that's not always possible for anyone mom or not Like that. It's just a huge amount of pressure.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. I mean, yeah, I guess the biggest thing I would kind of want to leave with and everything too that Felicia touched on is like or we've talked a little bit about earlier in the episode too is I keep thinking of? Like all these different, like societal pressures now too, because all my thoughts are like between the differences with mom and dad's and this and that. So we'll have to do another episode and get into that later. But the thing is is like we said, there's no actual right way. There's no way to do this perfectly. You're going to get comments, pressures or feel the pressure yourself, no matter kind of what you do realistically. So at some point you do have to come to, I guess, that realization and then decide what to do from there and move forward.
Speaker 2:And I think the best thing that we can do is continue to ask questions, like you know, ask where do you want advice? Do you want those things? But more importantly is listen and have open conversations. Let us show up and support each other, not question or grill somebody further choices or actions. And you know it is okay to share what's working with you or for you as a mom or parent or person, no matter what it is and it's our responsibility as consumers of this information from social media, friends, family, whatever it is to take it or leave it.
Speaker 2:You know we don't have to question or challenge it, we don't have to fight it. We let's just encourage each other to take what we need to do, what works for us, and I don't know. At the end of the day, just do you, mama. That's more than enough. You know more than enough. That's what I want to get back to and I think that's what I struggle with the most is doing what Bre wants to do. You know anything from this and all the pressures on there, all the guilt, the shame you feel for not doing any of those things. It's going to take time and it's really hard to do sometimes, but just do you.
Speaker 1:You know, I don't think I can really put anything else after that, because I just thought that that was so good.
Speaker 1:I'm just going to say that I completely agree and I hope that you all can get something out of this episode, because it's a long run. It's not, you know, it's not a fix. This isn't really a topic where you can just be like, oh, here's why it happens, this is like how it happens and this is how you can fix it. So just take all of what we said and just try one thing. Try all of them and try to just focus on you, like Bray said, and just do you, because you're doing great. And you know we all just feel the pressure, but we're all, we're all trying very hard. But with that, I just did want to thank you all for listening today and we hope this episode helps you in some way, and we would appreciate it so much if you could maybe give this to another mom to listen to or share it with someone that you think really could use the advice and the conversation that we had. And don't be afraid to tag us on Instagram when you're listening.
Speaker 2:All right, we'll have a great week and we'll see you next episode. All right, bye, mom. Thank you so much for joining us today. We're so excited you're taking this journey with us. If you enjoyed this episode and you'd like to help support the podcast, please subscribe, leave a rating or review or tell another mama about us.
Speaker 1:To stay up to date with Postpondent Confessions and get all the behind the scenes content, you can join our email list or follow us on Instagram at postpondentconfessions underscore. All the links are in our show notes. This air takes a village. Welcome home, mama.