Hey Mama, ever found yourself in a relationship quagmire after welcoming a little one into your life? You're not alone. We are right there with you, navigating the complex dynamics of relationships after becoming a mom. We shed light on the transformation that relationships undergo upon becoming parents - sometimes in ways we didn't anticipate. However, there's no room for guilt as we figure out how to steer these changes.
We promise you'll gain invaluable insight into the art of boundary setting. Our personal stories serve as practical examples, offering you clear understanding of what this looks like. One key takeaway: maintaining peace in your home and creating a safe space for your children do not need to be second to family/friend pressure. We also discuss the tricky task of handling expectations and the possibility of being perceived as the "bad guy".
But remember, your feelings matter. Being firm on your boundaries is vital for your family's well-being. Your relationship is one-of-a-kind, and there's no need to fear standing out. We bring to the table advice, share our struggles and triumphs, and provide strategies for a safe, respectful, and loving environment for your family. Feel free to reach out with your reflections on this episode - we're all ears. So, here's to a healthier, happier, and respectful family environment. Tune in, and let's navigate this journey together!
Thank you so much for joining us today . We’re so excited you’re taking this journey with us! They say it takes a village, welcome home mama!
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Join our village:
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Leave us a voicemail
Buy us a coffee!
Email us @: Hello@postpartumconfessions.co
Felicia’s Instagram: @Felicia_Sorby
Bri’s Instagram: @Brie.Rodriquez
Hey Mama, ever found yourself in a relationship quagmire after welcoming a little one into your life? You're not alone. We are right there with you, navigating the complex dynamics of relationships after becoming a mom. We shed light on the transformation that relationships undergo upon becoming parents - sometimes in ways we didn't anticipate. However, there's no room for guilt as we figure out how to steer these changes.
We promise you'll gain invaluable insight into the art of boundary setting. Our personal stories serve as practical examples, offering you clear understanding of what this looks like. One key takeaway: maintaining peace in your home and creating a safe space for your children do not need to be second to family/friend pressure. We also discuss the tricky task of handling expectations and the possibility of being perceived as the "bad guy".
But remember, your feelings matter. Being firm on your boundaries is vital for your family's well-being. Your relationship is one-of-a-kind, and there's no need to fear standing out. We bring to the table advice, share our struggles and triumphs, and provide strategies for a safe, respectful, and loving environment for your family. Feel free to reach out with your reflections on this episode - we're all ears. So, here's to a healthier, happier, and respectful family environment. Tune in, and let's navigate this journey together!
Thank you so much for joining us today . We’re so excited you’re taking this journey with us! They say it takes a village, welcome home mama!
Sign up for exclusive content!
Join our village:
Instagram
TikTok
Facebook
Threads
Leave us a voicemail
Buy us a coffee!
Email us @: Hello@postpartumconfessions.co
Felicia’s Instagram: @Felicia_Sorby
Bri’s Instagram: @Brie.Rodriquez
Hey Mama, welcome to Postpartum Confessions, a podcast for anyone navigating the ups and downs of becoming a mom.
Speaker 2:I'm Felicia, I'm Bri and we're here to bring you truly unfiltered conversations from the expected to the unexpected parts of being a mom, whether you're trying to conceive, pregnant or already a mother, this podcast is for you.
Speaker 1:Let's discover the secrets no one told you about motherhood and how to overcome them together. They say it takes a village. Welcome home, are you ready?
Speaker 2:Let's dive in. Hey Mama, welcome back to Postpartum Confessions. This is Bri, and today we are going to talk about a bit of a touchy subject, and that is relationships and the expectations of them and how they can change after having kids. This is a tricky place to navigate from, I don't know, being kind to feeling guilty, maybe family titles, expectations it's a lot, it's a whole thing.
Speaker 3:Oh, yeah, hey, mama Felicia here. There is so much we can talk about, but we're going to focus on the big picture. Especially when I first had my daughter, it was hard because everyone looks at you or looks to you for gauging exactly what's going on. I know a lot of family members assume that nothing is changing. There are X, y and Z in your family and they're going to stay that way. I'll tell you right now they're going to look at you like you're crazy or that something's wrong, because you're a mom now or you're a parent figure now and things changed. You changed.
Speaker 3:You're raising a child now and your priorities are changing. All of these things are changing. So it's natural for your priorities to change and for your focus to change, and relationships do change. There's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing to feel guilty for. Boundaries are important and you definitely should not be feeling guilty about placing those, because it's going to keep you happy, your family happy, and it's just, honestly, is the first step in curating that environment that you want your family to really be in long term.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely. It's funny. You said you made the comment like oh, you're a mom now and things kind of change. I remember hearing that before I became a mom somebody said that and it just rubbed me the wrong way. All of a sudden you become a mom and you're like everything changes, whatever, and this was many years ago, before being a mom. But no, I mean you're 100% right in the sense that things do shift and they have to, because it's not just being responsible for taking care of diapers and bottles and fed. I mean that's obviously very important, but it is about making sure that they, above all.
Speaker 2:I think my biggest thing is that they feel safe, and that's often neglected with expectations or different relationships or different, you know, forcing things because of you know who people are or what they're supposed to be. I mean kind of stopped me there. That's what I was thinking about is what they were supposed to be. I think we all have a vision of what maybe things will be like as you get older. You think you know, oh, this big family and lots of friends and people over on the weekends and I don't know, all these fun things and everybody's going to love the kids and the kids are going to love them, this big, big, big, big, big, happy family. Or maybe it replicates something that you had in your childhood and that's not always the case, unfortunately. I mean, I don't know if you share that experience, but it's not necessarily how it ended up.
Speaker 3:Yeah, no, I didn't necessarily have a big family anyways when I was younger and a lot of the time I felt the way that I don't want my daughter to ever feel and people like coming in and out, including my own mom, and I think that is like a huge factor in my thinking is that someone that was a huge or supposed to be a huge part of my life just completely was like, you know, that's not for me after having kids. So it's just like I don't want that to happen to my daughter or my family when we have more kids and whatnot. Like it's not just like a personal thing, like I have like a vendetta against anyone who wants, you know, busy or something, and it's just. It's more or less the point of being that people cannot directly disrespect my boundaries or disrespect my family and think that everything is going to be okay, because disrespecting my kids or myself or my husband is just, you know, that just shows me that there is no trust in the relationship.
Speaker 3:There's no. You know, I would never be comfortable with like leaving my kids alone with you, and that's one kind of red flag for me if I already feel that way. So I guess it's just in general feeling the way that I felt when I was younger is just kind of like a stepping stone for me to realize that I don't want people to be able to just come in and out whenever they please or, you know, not really get to know my kids and kind of just like linger around and stuff and just like disrespect in general, even if it, you know, is only something that might be small in their eyes, if it's like a continuous thing that has been talked about, pointed out and whatnot, that I just feel like that is definitely something that directly tells me that you should not be part of my kids life in a huge matter.
Speaker 2:Right. I mean and I think you touched on something too it's something that we deal with like right or that. You know, these expectations are these things and we don't want to pass that down. But it's interesting that we were taught like these things as quote unquote normal that you just do, you just walk in, and if somebody wants to give you a hug or a kiss, you just do it. If somebody wants to do these things, you just do it. And because it's polite, quote unquote. You know, and that's the things we're supposed to do. Oh, you know, with the example you gave, you know, my mom, or for your kids, my grandma, doesn't show up all the time, but when she does, I have to do these things. But they don't have a relationship with her, they don't know her and they don't trust her or feel safe. But yet the expectations of being polite are to do these things.
Speaker 2:And I don't know, I'm just having a really hard time these days with that like notion of those being polite and forcing relationships or forcing kids to do things. And you know, I don't know we don't have to get into a whole like conversation about, like consent or anything, but when you think about your forcing, the way I see it now is, when we're forcing these types of relationships in the pursuit of kindness, we're Ignoring safety, we're ignoring consent. And I think when people hear consent and those things they think about and it may be in a sexual kind of way, right, no, that goes with just consent with your body and things in general. If you don't feel comfortable, being in proximity to certain people is, and then especially Hugging or touch, yes, why would I force my child into doing that? My son or my daughter? You know their sex gender doesn't, it doesn't matter. Why would I force that on to somebody for anything else? And I think that's hard because I've even had conversations with my husband and you know, or, and family and friends it's not just him that where they're like, oh, but that's this person and I trust them. Okay, that's great that you do.
Speaker 2:And in my head I picture the relationships being so different to where this shouldn't even been a conversation. Like you know, I don't even want to have this conversation as to why my child isn't going to hug XYZ person. But here we are and that's because the effort hasn't been put in for ourselves and the kids. You know, I mean, in my opinion, the hugs and kisses that my kids give. Those are sacred and beautiful little things. If you get one, not saying like, oh, you're so lucky because but that's how I feel, because they're my kids right Like it's a lucky thing, like that means that they trust you and they're going to you willingly.
Speaker 2:And kids don't have these expectations or barriers sent on them for anything, whether it be food, play, anything you can think of. So the same there, they're just following intuition. You know, or that's what I see. Anyways, I'm not an expert in this, I'm just, you know, basing what I see. If they don't want to do something, forcing them to do something, it's so negative that I think defeats or belittles the trust they have in me. I'm supposed to be the one helping them enforce all of these things, but what we're scared to do it because we don't want to make somebody feel bad, or we don't want to like Exactly, I don't know. And then I'm going to be the bad guy or get in trouble now like, come on, you know I don't Right.
Speaker 3:Yeah, no, I decided a little while ago that I will be the bad guy every single time, even though I Sometimes I have like some social anxiety and I have a hard time saying no and setting boundaries for myself. There's just like something different about my kids and you know like how they need to be protected and someone you know to be there for them. Because they don't always understand everything, obviously they're still learning everything. They're not going to always understand. You know the reasoning behind people trying to argue, like the hugs or the physical, or even you know just the smaller things like them trying to come in and out of their life or always.
Speaker 3:You know, and this is might be seeming like really small, this hasn't happened to me at my daughter's pretty young, but the don't tell mommy or don't tell daddy thing, that's another thing that I'm like. Like that that works me the wrong way. So I guess, like some people might be like a small thing, but I guess for me, who wants to Foster a very like trusting and open communication kind of environment for a family, that just that I don't think is, you know, okay, but in general, I guess, just like you said, being a protector and being the one that's going to always be the bad guy, because you know it's our boundaries, because we have to set them for our family.
Speaker 3:You know that's okay with me because I rather, I guess, have everything in their, in their life, feel safe, like you said, and feel, you know, like positive as much as you can and have the right relationships in their life and the right role models and all these things. And you can't control every little thing, and I completely understand that. But from what is in my control, especially while they're young, I that's just going to be. You know, my role in my family is just protect her and I will be the bad guy. That is fine.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, I think that sometimes comes across as scary, right like, oh, I don't want to be the bad guy and tell this person, no, yes, I don't want to do this, or, you know, because it's going to make them uncomfortable, so what, you know, I mean don't get me wrong, it's so hard, and you know I deal with this in in life. I mean you can deal with this at work with and parent everything. This isn't just exclusive to this like, I think you get to a point and that's the thing of when you become a mom that kind of sentence, or when you become a parent, things do shift in your head to where you do say like, so what? You used to be a little bit more scared to maybe stand up or say what you have to say or whatever it is, but that kind of goes away and you know when. When it comes to the kids anyways, and I don't know, I think one of the things people get wrong with, like boundaries or the people that don't like them this is for people who just don't like the boundary that's being set Is they tend to get mad or try to make you feel guilty about it. You know, because you know. Oh well, why would you do that? What's wrong with you, or you know what's up your butt, or you know whatever it is that they have to say and it's like nothing. I'm just simply saying Like I mean, in a non, you're trying to get me to feel bad about telling my kid they don't have to do something, or or you know, setting up a boundary of you know, right now is not a good time for you to come over. Maybe the kids are just having a rough day or something. You know, whatever it is, and I don't feel bad for you.
Speaker 2:I mean, when you think about it that's the mindset I try to keep into my head is I want to feel bad because I did have expectations that were different in terms of, you know, certain family and friends. I wanted it to be a certain way. I had dreams and visions and I feel bad that that's not happening. But I don't feel bad that the work wasn't put in and now there's an unintended, unintentional consequence for that. You know I mean, why would I feel bad for that?
Speaker 2:I mean something I used to say a long time ago is that you know it's not my job to get into all of these relationships and be the sole nurturer, or things like that If you want to get into my family, you need to come in and do some of the work and I will have open arms and like, receive you. You know, until you know boundaries. It's not my job to play that role, I guess, for every single person. It's not my job to constantly reach out to you and send you pictures. It's not my job to constantly, you know, force a playday or do these things or force my kid onto you. You're either going to be there or you're not, and both of those directions have a consequence, and consequence doesn't always mean bad when I'm trying to, like, you know, put it here they have a result. Let's change that. Both of those have a result and I mean that's up to you to choose that direction.
Speaker 2:And I don't know, it seems like it's easier for people to play like a blame game of them not showing up or them not being there, but blaming you for setting the boundary, instead of maybe taking some responsibility and I don't know being a nicer human. You know, I don't know I'm trying to not like get too deep or too anything here, but I mean, I mean that's realistically it is, I don't know. It just becomes frustrating. So I feel for all the parents out there that deal with this. I wish we didn't have to. I wish things could be different. But for things to be different, everybody has to take some form of accountability for their part and their actions. And guess what? It's not the kid. The kid isn't the one that has to take any responsibility or accountability 100%.
Speaker 3:Yeah, no, I totally agree with that last sentence you had there, and I did want to just put it out there that some feeling dynamics are going to be very different.
Speaker 3:You may have some family and friends that are 100% like, they back you, they're OK with all these things.
Speaker 3:You just have an easier time relaying your boundaries and you know like conforming to them and everyone else around you is OK with that and that is awesome. And we're not trying to say that you know, like this is all so hard and this is, like you know, the worst thing in the world, but it's just like some things that we definitely have had to deal with and you know it's just. I know a lot of people that have as well around me. So it's just, I guess one just having other experiences just nice to listen to and different things that you know you can either agree with and take into you know your life and try to maintain your piece in this way, or you can just kind of like listen in and, you know, just try to figure out if this is maybe something that you want to implement or not. So I just want to just want to put that out there, that this isn't all negative. It's just, unfortunately, a lot of the things that come with boundary setting is the feedback that we get, at least, is negative.
Speaker 3:So I guess it's hard to always have like the little, like positive pieces and some of the stuff. And then the other thing I wanted to mention is just, I guess, a little bit of a story just to kind of put some things into perspective, because you're just hearing a lot of work but it's hard to kind of form an idea of what this can look like. But for a very long time I had someone show up at my house a lot and no text message, nothing. And my daughter was pretty small and with that comes a lot of chaos. My daughter was not an easy baby. A lot of the time I would just walk around shirtless because she was clusterfeeding a lot. So you know, it was just like we were always on edge and I didn't. I don't want to feel that way in my own house. I don't want to feel an edge that sounds just going to show up without no announcement and stuff.
Speaker 3:And I'd gotten so much feedback from some other family members of what I could do and some of it was really harsh and other things were like a little bit more gentle, Especially when my daughter was still young. I was definitely a people pleaser. I was really. This was like the point where I was getting to where I am now, where I'm way more comfortable with just setting the boundary. But back then it was just like what am I going to do? Like I'm always on edge, I'm like literally in fight or flight mode already from being a new mom, and then I'm having this on top of that. I will tell you right now that that feeling was probably one of the worst feelings that I had when I was postpartum was all of these things on top of feeling like I have to be on edge to please other people, because I don't want to come off as the bad guy. So I was allowing someone to just like show up whenever they wanted to, more than a few times, because I was just like so worried about it until I just like hit this point where I was like I can't do this anymore. Like my daughter was so young.
Speaker 3:At that point there was like no, I guess, direct effect on her per se, but my piece is also important my kid. You know the kids will come first, but at that point she wasn't, you know, aware or could do anything or could feel anything, I guess, about it. So it was kind of just like you still have to put your whole family in your mind, and that includes yourself. So if nothing is bothering your spouse or your child or your children, but it's bothering you, that's something. So if you just feel even yourself that you need to change something, then do it. It doesn't always just have to be about your kids or about you know what is going to affect them, because that's very important. But if something doesn't seem to bother them and they don't even notice anything, but you do, that in itself is fine and you can definitely say something. Create a new boundary, have the conversation, because that is very important too.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, have the conversation. I think that's the goal of this is, you know, we did talk about things and I mean I for one was a little angry when I was talking about it. I'll just, you know, I can just speak for myself, because it's important and it honestly it's a little frustrating and I think the underlying thing is I do wish it were different, you know, but regardless is having the conversation every single time helps bring clarity, and I heard somebody say I'd have to get the quote, or who said it. But they said, being clear is being kind, and I 100% agree the more clear you are, how much kinder can you get because you're asking for something that you need or want or whatever, and that now can be reciprocated, right or not, and you choose the direction of where things are going. But you know, by saying that too, I don't think that that means that every relationship has to fall into these expectations or fall into depth or fall into anything. If you're content, both parties, with a relationship being kind of surface level for lack of a better word or the small talk kind of type, then that's fine. It doesn't have to be any different. It's just that the expectations for myself, for the kids, for anybody, the family will reflect that. You know, not saying that things have to be any different. You know, if you don't really call or check up or do anything, then you can't expect anything else. But if you're comfortable with where things are cool, like so am I, you know, or that's where we'll get to, you know, and so that's what it is is just determining like relationship levels and I don't know getting what you put in is all the expectation thing of, I guess, is where it was kind of going Like I don't. Yeah, I definitely don't want it to be like negative or come across like this is the worst thing in the world. This is just one thing that kind of pops up here and there. You know, and being cordial and being kind, you know, is different, like a hello is fine, a hello is kind, a hello is acknowledging we don't have to take it any step further.
Speaker 2:And there are levels to being like polite and asking, like for your example, I mean realistically, with a new baby and a new thing, like you should ask before you just drop by, unless that's a norm, you know, like I don't know, I don't have a lot of family or people that live close so nobody just drops by, like that's just not a norm here. Honestly, if you ring the doorbell, why did you do that? You should call her text first. You know what I mean. Like I want to know, like you're around, like it's so funny, like, yeah, if the doorbell rings, it's like who? Like why are you here? You know it's like this thing because that's just how life has turned out lately. Yeah, but yeah, I mean I don't know. I mean I think it's fair to ask and say what you need in those situations and to just be prepared, and I don't think you ever have to give anybody more of an explanation. If you don't need to, the ask is fine, but depending on who they are, if you were to say like look, I'm not presentable 90% of the time in this stage, so that's why it's okay, or it would be better for you to like let me know you're coming and I can kind of like say it. You know whether it's okay or not.
Speaker 2:A glaring like story keeps popping in my head, and it was when this was a long time ago too one of my cousins had babies twins, and I. You know, the expectation is, you go and you see the babies and you go and you like pay, you know your respects and you're excited and do this. So I had texted him and I said hey, because I was in town at the time. I'm in town for the day. Would it be okay if I dropped by so I could see them? And his response was you know, it's a little chaotic because this was in the hospital like years ago. He's like you know it's a little chaotic. You know, love that you're here, but it's really not a good time. And my initial reaction was like how dare you? You know, because I'm like following protocols.
Speaker 2:But the more I thought about it I was like holy crap, I mean twins, and it was a little chaotic and like my presence there like, oh, you know, it's nice to be like loved and show it, but it's actually an inconvenience and I don't want to be that either. So I appreciated that he said no, it's not good, you know, it's not a good time. I'm not, you know, going to make my wife uncomfortable and my kids and do that just so that you can show up because you're out of town. I mean, he didn't say that and it sounds mean kind of saying that, but he wasn't going to cater to me and sacrificing, or at the expense of his you know, new or his family. And I love that when you think about it. I love this. Thank you for being clear and to me that was kind, because now I know he knows that I texted and I wanted to show up. He knows, you know, so our relationship is good, but I didn't encroach on their vibe.
Speaker 3:You know, yeah, no, I totally understand that. Because if I, I guess if I was in your shoes, I would also just agree with that, because if I was there and they didn't say what they wanted to say and they were like, oh yeah, it's fine, and I showed up and then I, like you know, felt that like something was just like not right, I would have felt like so bad. So you know, like that's, I guess, like yeah, really applies to everything is that if you don't say what you want to say, when people do challenge your boundary or just do something before you've even, I guess, mentioned the boundary and you're just like, if I don't say anything right now, like who's going to be uncomfortable and who's it going to like affect, because it's not just you, and if it's not just them and it's like the kids or your spouse and stuff like, then you just like kind of create this like whole, I guess, like environment. You know, like this vibe that you're just like not no one's really comfortable, and then it kind of just makes everything worse. So say what you want to say, because even in the moment, if it seems mean, yeah, you can always clarify, you can always have the conversation. It's not like a one sentence and done and boom, like the whole thing blows up. You know like it can be done in different ways. You write their strategies that you can use and all that stuff.
Speaker 3:And you know, if you don't get your point across, I guess, like the first time and it just like keeps happening, then you're just going to feel worse. So use what you have in the moment and, if something happens, say something because you'll be happier later on that you did. So that it's not later on when you still feel uncomfortable or angry, because that's a different, that's a whole nother thing that we can get into in a different episode. But there's a one liner is that if you don't do something that you want to do, it's going to eat at you and it's going to return in different ways, whether it's going to be anger or you're going to have, like this, resentment towards someone that isn't necessarily there, and I think that's the reason why people are saying their fault.
Speaker 3:Sure, some people may know better, depending on what it is, but some people may not. So you kind of have to say things because people can't always read your mind. So, while so some people, it would be insane that someone just showed up to my house without it, you know, texting. But in their mind, I don't know, maybe they just thought it was okay and I can't be mad at them if I didn't say anything. So it was kind of just like you know, like a full circle kind of thing.
Speaker 2:Well, especially when you like yeah, I mean especially when you kind of allowed it already like so the next time it happens, you know, what I mean Like, and that doesn't mean you couldn't course, correct, yeah and I own that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly Like. You know you can course correct. But you know, yeah, if you've allowed it, why would you expect them to think any different? Also, you know exactly. Yeah, I mean I think it just goes into a lot of things too, like if you and this is like everything I mean it's okay to ask like, is it okay if I give you a hug or is it okay if I do this? And you have to respect and be okay with the answer. Sometimes it's going to be a no, but I think it's the same thing. Like you touched on something so good. You don't know what's going through somebody's mind, you don't know where they're at mentally and their load, or you know different things. It could be anything. But I think that's why I liked the question that somebody presented. Even when you're going to talk to, like your best friend or anything like, whatever is like, do you have the space for this? You know, like, hey, you know.
Speaker 2:I love whatever situation happened, do you have the space for me to like dump it on you? And Maybe they don't right at that moment, but they will sometime else and it's not that they're not going to be there for you and support you. It's that you need to make sure they're in the space to to deal with it, because you could be dumping on a lot extra that they don't have capacity for and I don't know. I think that's just being like Constantly aware of surroundings, and if you're going to ask for certain things, it's nice for you to give it back right. So I've tried to get in the habit of kind of asking that question.
Speaker 2:I don't do it often or all the time. I think I may have dumped on you yesterday or two days ago too, without asking, but I try really hard to put that out first. And, yeah, every single time I've asked I've been met with, of course, like because also asking to kind of changes the mindset too, and when I've been asked, it just literally Reframes and opens you up. Like you know what, I do have this space.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and I guess just like it really is, depending on like you and your relationships that you have with everyone, and I guess, just like what you want everything to look like for you. So if you're not big on, you know the nitty gritty and you don't have a lot of boundaries that you want to set because you're okay with a lot more, then I'm not Saying that it's easier for you or it's harder for someone else, necessarily. It's just what you're comfortable with, what you want everything to look like in your life and your family and the boundaries and like I guess, all in all, if you are going to set boundaries, like do so when you feel the need to have the conversations. And I will say that if anyone out there is a people pleaser or recovering people pleaser or just has a very hard time Not feeling like really tense and awkward in these moments, that I totally get it. It's not easy. It may feel easier as time goes or depending on how urgent the situation is or can become, but you just you really have to make the choice to make things awkward for one minute, ten minutes, to make Long-term things easier on yourself, and cutting people off obviously can be seen as like a last resort, which is Typically it is, and if you have to go as far as doing that, then I wouldn't try to not feel guilty about that decision, because if you went as far as to have Several conversations, change things, try different things, and nothing's working, or they're deliberately trying to do things to hurt you by Doing things that you have asked them not to, and that is something that might be very well deserving of that consequence.
Speaker 3:So I'm gonna say is that do you just make the right choices for your family, because no one can tell you that. No one can tell you otherwise. No one can tell you you're right or you're wrong. They can just give you their opinion, you just take it and then that's it. I guess just to start wrapping things up is just key points. So you know, obviously we're just kind of like talking at you and stuff, and I just always like to give you some key points to take away and First we'll just be ready to make a plan.
Speaker 3:Whether you are pregnant or or you have kids of yourself already, but you haven't really had the conversation with your partner or even Acknowledged to yourself what you want for your family, definitely kind of get an idea of the boundaries that you do want to set and the ways that you want to parent and how you want to Protect that space for your family. So be ready to make that plan and have those ideas already set and when the time comes, obviously you're gonna have to actually set those boundaries and and stand by them and you're gonna have to be ready to hurt some people's feelings and, I guess, protect your families and, honestly, being ready to be the bad guy I know we Bad guy kind of a different term than you might want to use on yourself but just it might feel that way and that's completely valid. And then, last point, I really relationship is different and don't feel guilty for it. Mm-hmm, sending those boundaries, you know, keeping those boundaries in place and your feelings are very valid If you feel bad or if you feel guilty. You don't want to feel that way all the time, but it's okay to feel those things because at first you're gonna feel like a little weird if you're maybe not used to Not being that people pleaser or you're not used to standing your ground for yourself, but you're ready to for your family.
Speaker 3:Yeah, kids.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, do it for yourself, and it's one thing to do it for your kids and your spouse or your partner and your family, but ultimately, at the end of the day, a lot of things are doing it for yourself too, and you know, like Felicia said, your feelings are valid. It doesn't matter if somebody thinks they're right or wrong or you're coming at it from a different place. You know that doesn't matter. Your boundaries are important. They're meant to keep you safe. They're meant to and and everybody happy and reduce like feeling uncomfortable, which we talked a little bit about in the Like long-term uncomfort.
Speaker 2:Right, I think it's been either quote or saying like the bad guy, like that's how you come across when you set up boundaries, but it's not that you're being the bad guy for sticking up for yourself or saying what you need to say or for you know voicing. You know, right, what works for you and what doesn't, but that's how you're perceived. So you know. Obviously that's what she meant and that's where we're going with it. But, yeah, don't feel like the bad guy, because you're trying to, you know, establish safety for you or your family. You know that kind of thing. But you summed it up very well.
Speaker 3:And one very last small sentiment is just that if you don't feel the same way about your relationships, you're just very easy-going, you're fine with people you know Doing certain things that other people might be like what, and all that kind of stuff. It's just, it's very much up to you. Obviously, it is your family. So if you're just very relaxed and your friends, you know, it's just kind of like a relaxed relationship for everyone and you don't feel the same way with all of these things and that's okay.
Speaker 3:But this is just, I guess, our experiences. So if you have any questions, if you have any points that you want to come back with, or you know you want us to dive more deep into the boundary pieces and how to set, maintain and, you know, keep them in general, then we can definitely dive into that next time. And you know, just, I guess, let us know how you feel about the episode and let us know on Instagram, at postpartum confessions underscore If you want to hear more episode on boundaries, if you want to hear more about our experiences, some stories even if you want, or Really just any suggestions that you have, just go on there and tag us or DMS.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we haven't even been getting into these stories or anything, so let us know, right? Yeah, definitely send the DMs, tag us when you listen. Um, all that fun stuff. But thank you so much for listening. Yeah, all right. Thank you so much for joining us today. We're so excited you're taking this journey with us. If you enjoyed this episode and you'd like to help support the podcast, please subscribe, leave a rating, a review or tell another mama about us.
Speaker 1:To stay up to date with postpartum confessions and get all the behind the scenes content, you can join our email list or follow us on instagram at postpartum confessions. Underscore. All the links are in our show notes. They say it takes a village. Welcome home, mama.